we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
