I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
