I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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