why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
