it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
