Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
