im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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