It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The adults are the big ones right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
