so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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