I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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