Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
