WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
