his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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