Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
