So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We left an ass print on the piano.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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