it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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