If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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