Christians are straight up FREAKS
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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