I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
