so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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