I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
