it was like eating out sand paper
It's just like the Real World with babies
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
