Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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