Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
