awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
and you fell through a lawn chair
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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