I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
this will be a night to untag.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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