I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
