i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
