don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
