I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
