By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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