There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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