I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
