I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
