im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
