sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
