I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it because I queefed?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
