My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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