I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
