I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
