dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
