why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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