I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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