Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
