Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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