Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
