I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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