It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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