Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
