do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
