Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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